I’ve been ill just a few days back. So ill that the doctor decided to admit me into the hospital ward for treatment & observation. While I was in pain & misery early that morning, only 2 major thoughts came to mind. Haley & my clients. Boy oh Boy, was I in a mess! Who’s going to take care of them if I’m like this?

Honestly, I was partially afraid for my life that day. My heart was beating so hard so fast, that doctors were worried about my thyroid situation. I was praying so hard that I do not get a heart attack that day. It was so scary… an event which has left me lots to ponder about… again.

This year has me struggling in keeping a balance between my personal life & my business. I was at the verge of burning out. I was working so hard to achieve so many goals, that I forgot to take a step back & give enough time to myself. Every time I wanted to do that, I started feeling guilty about it. I started telling myself the “Me Time” can wait. Lots more important stuffs need to be done first. And thus, I got caught into a whirlpool of family responsibilities, making sure every one is happy, making sure our monthly income is flowing in steadily, chasing after deadlines & deadlines of editing, and endless other things. I forgot about ME. And that affected my creative self, my self esteem, my happy self. I let a certain people bully me & take advantage of me. And that almost killed my passion & my business.

Lucky thing is that I realized about it before it’s too late. I decided to take a real break. I took the courage to have my first solo trip away from home. The wonderful times with my dear friends Laura & Pau Ling are still fresh in my mind. I got to have some time alone & explore Melbourne all by myself. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in a company of people. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a social butterfly. But there’s this special good feeling once a while being alone, especially when traveling in a foreign place. I guess I get the chance to think and not think at the same time. It’s just ME time. And it did wonders. I came back refreshed & strong again.

Laura took time off from work & flew down to Brisbane from Sydney to be with me. She took me around town & even brought me back to her beautiful parent's home. This is her goofing around in the house.

Such fun refreshing time in Melbourne with little Meagan. Mummy Pau Ling is one of my besties. I miss our times chit chatting in bed at night about everything under the stars.

During my exploration of Melbourne city, I visited the beautiful St. Patrick's Cathedral where I offered a prayer for my late father. I did some private reflection here to find some peace in my heart & soul. And found them I did.

I made new resolutions that includes more of ME this time. My health is one major issue I need to keep in check. My family is another, especially my relationship with dear hubby who’s been much ‘neglected’ since we both became parents. And I was so caught up in building up this photography business while juggling with motherhood & keeping the household in order that I just didn’t have much time for anything else. But I want to change all that. And change has been happening. Slowly but surely. And so far, I think I’m doing quite okay.

Our own version of Winter Sonata at Nami Island, Korea. Hehehe...

My beautiful Haley... my everything.

All these changes will not have been easy if not for the amazing amount of support I have been getting from my dearest friends & clients. For trying to understand that I need this time to re-prioritize. For understanding that I am a mother, a wife and a daughter as well. Most importantly, I’m a person with feelings & needs too. And for that, I want to thank my current & past clients who have been so supportive to me. Your little words of encouragements, your short sms-es & messages to see how I was doing, your small little gifts of food & little pretty things. All these I treasure close to my heart.

My business have finally grown enough this year to let me afford help & I’m really happy to welcome my dear friend Su as well as a new found friend, Kevin, into ALP’s little family. We aim & hope to make more happy hearts amongst our clients so praying that our team still stay strong & bonded in order to do just that. To make more happy memories & more happy hearts.

This little slideshow is dedicated to our 2011 clients. Thank you for your unconditional supports! Thank you for taking my hands & walk through this beautiful journey of photography with me. Love you!

A remembrance of 2011.

Here’s to a better 2012 for everyone the world around.

xoxo,
Asther

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Now back to last night…

After the hubby read Haley her usual bedtime stories, I switched off my work station and went to bed with them. Haley & I decided to sing. From “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”, “The Alphabet Song”, “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to many more, we sang happily together in the dark. Giggling & clapping in between songs. We were happy… I felt very blissful. And we finally fell asleep with melodies in our dreams.

Waking up this morning, I opened my eyes to a little smiling face. Haley crawled from her bed corner to mine & started snuggling with me. She softly wishes me a good morning and her sweet little voice calling me “Mommy” just made my day. I’m happy. I’ll worry about all the other stuffs later. For now, I just want to soak in my happiness. I am thankful for being blessed.

My little girl who always makes me happy.

I’m currently juggling between work & motherhood without any help at the moment. My mum’s gone back to our hometown and my trusty PA is on her own family breakaway. So work will have to slow down a little and I hope my beloved clients will give me a little bit more time to settle them one by one.

Hoping to write a year end blog post before 2012 comes, but if I couldn’t, here’s wishing everyone a Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year!

Hugs,

Asther

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The pretty Shi Ning!

Shi Ning with her lovely mommy

Daddy's little girl!

Mommy I took months to prepare for this session. She went on a shopping spree, buying all these beautiful attires & headbands for her precious little girl!

Sweet!

Love those funky socks!

Rocking it out infron of my camera!

Tu-tu girl!

We managed to capture some awesome family portraits that day. Seeing their happy faces always makes my heart sings!

LOVE!

FAV!

I brought along my little girl for the shoot so she can spend some time with us and her friend, Shi Ning. Here’s a shot of the two girls together.

Besties in the making?

That is all for now. It’s been a crazy few weeks for me with travels, family & work. Just a little note to inform that my shooting schedule is currently full up to February 2012. I feel so sorry that I’ve to turn down many enquiries for shoots lately but I try my best to refer my good photography friends over whenever I can. So, do book early to avoid disappointment and I look forward to spending some wonderful time with you & family!

Till then, take care & God Bless.

xoxo

Asther

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I’ve got as much energy as a sloth at the moment, so won’t be writing too much. Just want to share a photo I took of her recently in her first tutus I bought her. I hope she’ll love me the same after all that punishment and scolding I gave her just now. Cos she means the world to me.

Cos she is my Love...

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Come July, it’ll be 4 years since daddy left. He’s played a major part in my photography journey. He’s the one who gave me my very first DSLR in 2004 for my birthday. He’s the one who kept advising me to start my own business. “Don’t work for people if you can.” he always said. And so when I got pregnant, I realized I can no longer continue my freelance job as a scuba instructress. I was in a crossroad. I wasn’t sure what I should do in terms of my future career choice. I looked at what resources I had at that time. His advice kept ringing in my head. Every time I look at my camera, I remember my happy & important times with him. And every time that happens, a tiny tinge of regret will come along. I am still regretting that we do not have many photos taken together. Especially the years after I returned from Hawaii. Dad & I had a huge fight right before I left for my studies, and we were not in talking term for quite a long time. However, I’m thankful that we managed to re-kindle our father-daughter bond. We started spending a lot of time together whenever I went home for a visit, or whenever he comes to West Malaysia to visit me. We talked a lot more over the phone, and every time before we hang up, he’ll say “Take Charge, girl. Daddy loves you.”

And finally, I took the courage to start building my photography business with what he had provided me. I decided to Take Charge. It wasn’t an easy journey for me. Cos I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t have a business plan. I didn’t know the industry at all. It took me a lot of trials & error to find my way. But I love every minute of it. Cos of the challenges that taught me so much. Cos of the exhilarating achievement whenever I reached a goal. In most ways, I am like my father. He’s the one who taught me never to give up. He’s the one who told me that life is a journey to many roads. Travel well, travel with a heart, travel with determination and gain as much wisdom along the way.

So today, I’d like to thank my father. For without him, I won’t be who I am. For without him, I won’t be where I am. Thank you, Daddy………

I would also like to thank my darling husband, for being such a great daddy to our little Haley. For making her the happiest little girl in the world with his hugs & kisses and precious times spent. She is growing up so fast and taking after you in a lot of ways. The way she loves anything related to cars, the way she likes snacking on nuts like you, the way she’s beginning to sit/lounge like you on the sofa (OH NO!). You can see how much she needs you and enjoys playing with you, learning from you. It’s tiring to keep up with her, but it’s all worth it right?

Here are a few precious photos I took of our little girl for you on this Father’s Day.

Love that tie!

Daddy's shoes are so big!

In daddy's work uniform.

To ALL FATHERS out there,

Big and Tall
Large and small
Fathers everywhere
Who love and care.

On Father’s Day
Remember to say,
“I love you so”
I hope you know
You pass the test
You are the best.

~ Mrs Alphabet ~

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• CHOCOLATE! Be it in bars, in a recipe, in a drink. Anything that screams CHOCOLATE!
• Ice Cream! (yup… you guessed it… chocolate flavor tops it all!)
• For fruits, I’m juggling between peaches and mangoes
• For vegetables, hmmm… Grilled Asparagus with butter!
• Mum’s lamb racks
• Mum’s glutinous rice aka “loh ma kai”
• Riblee’s Classic American Babyback Ribs
• Banana Leaf Rice from Kana’s Curry House
• Cakes! Be it cheese, CHOCOLATE, or anything that’s yummy fruity with buttercream.
• Beef Brisket Noodles (specifically from Hong Kong! Hahaha…)

Can’t go without any photos so here are a few from our recent trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. If I find time (a BIG IF), I might share more pics from the trip here on the blog.

My "Little Mouse" (but she's outgrown that nickname so I call her Tinker Bell now).

Enjoying her very first marshmallow stick! A HUGE HEART SHAPED marshy stick!

Hubby enjoying his delicious Coney Dog! So cool that they provide gloves for messy eating such as this one!

My beloved mother doing a typical touristy pose.

And finally a photo of ME! I know I seldom post up images of myself so here’s one I feel has passed the “blog-worthy” grades.

Three generations.

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Anyway, after several more emails later, we finally met up with her family at the Lake Gardens. It was a beautiful cool morning, a little cloudy but the sun came out & play a little during the session, so yeah(!) we managed to get some pretty pretty sunlight shots that day. One of Baby M’s cousin sister actually flew all the way from England to visit and they’re really happy to be able to spend some happy times together during the family session. Here are a few of my favs.

Baby M with daddy & mommy

Baby E with daddy & mommy

Little Ryan with daddy & mommy

The bubbly Miss L

Lovely Grandma S & Grandma K

The ladies in this family really know how to have fun and go all out. The men are outnumbered but they’re a fun bunch too!

Lots of giggles & laughter from the ladies.

Hooyah!

So much chaos in the big group shots, but that's where we get the most expressions for the shots!

The daddies with their young-lings.

There are so many photos to share and I find it hard to choose! Here’s a final family group moment from that day. What did I say about “chaos”?

Look at the camera! Hehehe...

And so before I end this post with a little photo of my “Tinker Bell” in her new  Chinese New Year clothes, here’s wishing those who are celebrating Chinese New Year celebration a Prosperous, Healthy and Happy Chinese New Year!

Look at my round tummy!

Oooh! Oranges!

She's my pride and joy!

Gong Herk Xin Xi, Nien Nien Yu Ee!

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A beautiful single-story bungalow with an even prettier (big) flower garden.

I’ll have the windows go all the way down near the floor so we get plenty of fresh sunlight pouring into the house throughout the day.

Then I can take pretty pics of my lil' girl just like Sheye did here with her Ivy. *click image to go to her blog*

Besides that, a bigger house means more space for us. I can have my own studio corner, the hubby can have his own private room for his hobby stuffs, our Tinker Bell will have her own playroom to have tea parties & sleep-overs with her friends, and mum will have her own bedroom without having to face all the clutters from all our belongings & keep-sakes.

We love to have friends over & entertain them with food & drinks & happy chit-chats. Our garden will have a BBQ corner for late afternoon parties, and during the evening, we’ll chill with wine & beer in our cosy living room. *sigh*

Oh! And we’ll have a spacious store-room to keep our collections of props, car parts and things sentimental to us. Yes yes… how I wish!

That my dad is still around, enjoying being a grandpa to our little Tinker Bell. He’ll definitely be spoiling her rotten but that’s just what grandparents are supposed to be, aren’t they?

That I could rid this great disappointment & anger inside me for good. This awful feeling is growing & I’m at a lost of what to do to keep it under control.

That one day I’ll see & experience real snow.

I’ll want to dance & sing & laugh while the snow drops onto my face. I’ll want to share this special moment with my love ones, especially seeing the excitement on my Tinker Bell’s face and hearing her giggles & chuckles. We’ll be freezing but happiness will warm us up long enough before we head indoor for some hearty warm chocolate drinks & delicious cookies and cakes.

That I have the gift of seeing, thinking, creating all things pretty & happy.

The ability to decorate/manage our home to make it feel “homely”, pretty and happy. The ability to ALWAYS say something sweet & meaningful & happy. The ability to dress up, not necessarily fashionable but just to a level of being pretty & happy. And many more… I always find myself trying so hard in this department. *sigh*

That there is such thing as real magic and I’m a witch, a good (and wise) witch of course.

Then I’ll use my wand to continue all my editing work while I attempt at “pretty-fying” the house, spend more time with my Tinker Bell and do other things for myself. This means I won’t be constantly falling behind deadlines & have my clients chasing me day & night. Well… I could get an assistant but finding one isn’t as easy as I’d thought. Hopefully I’ll find one soon, but heck, a magic wand wins any day, right?

A breakaway trip to the European countryside during Spring time, and later back again during Fall.

Places like Switzerland, a cheese & chocolate producing land, OR Sweden, one of the top 10 happiest country in the world, Luxembourg, worlds richest country!

A fridge that is constantly filled with dark chocolate ice creams and cakes which will never run out.

That I will  NEVER EVER gain even a single ounce whenever I consume those ice creams & cakes.

Constant kisses & “I Love You”s from my Tinker Bell & hubby until eternity.

DISCLAIMER: These are just my wishful thinking, during one of those days when I’m in the mood of wishing & dreaming & wanting & yearning. No intention was meant for anything otherwise. *peace sign*

Bye! Till we meet again...

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Here are a few I’ve capture in the recent days.

PLEASE NOTE: These photos belongs to me and I’d appreciate if you ask my permission first if you intend to use it for whatever means. Thank you!

Hmmm... maybe she's trying to see if she wana follow mummy's footsteps.

Today, I gave her a little tea cup to drink water from & look at her little fingers here!

Hubby & I decided to let her hair grow & she's had had 1 haircut since birth. It's now long enough to tie up!

She loves playing in the bathroom sink. How my heart flutters seeing her smile!

One of her sleeping soundly. *sigh*

Right… it’s time for me to sleep too. I’m currently on “full-time mommy-mode” which means I’m left alone at home caring for my girl & cleaning the house throughout the whole day. My mum who normally helps me at home has gone for a short holiday recently. I only get to do my work (editing, replying emails, etc.) during the night after my baby sleeps (after 11.00pm) so work be kinda slow until next week. There are many of my clients currently waiting for their photos and I seek their understanding & patience while I try to get things done as much I can in my 24-hour day. Good night!

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Looking back to those years… those days… I dare say I’ve found parts of that “something”. I’ve finally acknowledged to myself that I’ve achieved quite a sum in my life. I’ve traveled quite a fair bit to many beautiful places. I’ve met so many different people along the way. I’ve tried on so many things which opened my eyes & heart while living on this earth. Yes… I’m thankful.

Heck… I found my soul-mate and married him. I was given the greatest gift from above, our Little Haley. Being a parent myself now, I grew to appreciate more of what my own parents have done & given to me. And I’m still growing… and loving it so far!

Anyway… back to Daddy T! He and his people at the pub took care of me pretty well when I came to them every night. I normally went alone. A single lady… drinking myself to numb the fatigues & to soften the dozens of questions in my head. Not once I was disturbed or taken advantage of by the other pubs goers there. Cos Daddy T and his friends made sure I’m always safe. And I thank you, for that, Daddy T. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for all the laughter and cheers and care!

I’m very happy that Daddy T finally found Mommy I and soon after, came Little A. Mommy I decided that she likes what I do and she entrusted me with a special project this year. As with my other shoots & projects, I put my whole heart into them. But I guess I dare say I’ve put a little more extra into this one. Why you ask? Hmmm… I think cos this is a little more special. Cos I get to document a very special moment for Littl Aden and family. Specifically his relationship with his grandparents.

I still remember vaguely my little moments with my maternal grandmother. She took care of me for a number of years when both my parents had to work & make a living for the family. She was always so soft-spoken, so sweet, so loving. I guess it wasn’t hard for her cos I was her only grandchild then. And she’s always been so proud of who I am. Even in her final few years on earth, she constantly ask about me when I was away in America, then to Kuala Lumpur. I was at her bedside during her final hours. She finally passed away due to old age. And I miss her. But I thank God for her. And I pray she’s now in God’s home having a great time with the other angels.

Boy oh boy… this post is getting too long! I guess it’s what December does to people like me. Getting too reflective. Anyway… I better get back to the main topic now.

I made a special book for Aden boy this year. Mommy I, told me that she loves it to bits. I want this book to serve as a special memorabilia for Aden. A keepsake which he’ll treasure forever. Here are the photo-story I managed to print-screen out from the book layout. This is gona be a LOOOOONG post cos there are 22 photos below. Alternatively, you can view the slideshow on my Flickr here.

Here’s wishing you all a Blessed Merry Christmas with your family & friends. I’ll be spending mine with my loved ones this year. More blog posts coming soon!

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